Over the past few weeks, my life has been characterized by days of trying to teach my 21 month year old nephew how to say Bolivia, or at least Becca. (We met failure on both of these.) Also, I officially ended my undergrad career as a Spanish education student from Appalachian. I've spent some time with friends at the beach learning how to fight relentless waves in a kayak as well as clean flounder...an experience which faithfully reminded me of my many months of grilling during last summer and somewhat gave me a yearning to be back in Yellowstone...traversing the beauty of the West.
And of course, I cannot help but to mention the many days of paperwork which I continue to tell myself must be complete in order to have a job, live in a new country, and at least make me feel "productive" over the summer. (I am still not convinced that feeling productive is something we should desire for most of our summer experience...at least this was not true during grade school.)
Sadly, I've had too many days of pushing God to the side, sitting Him in a corner, and looking Him in the eyes sternly reminding Him that these are just tedious things which can be accomplished by efficiency and a simple application of my fifteen plus years of acquired knowledge of life skills. Then, when I'm weary and realizing how crazy a step such as moving wayy too south for the average North American (and at a much too high level of altitude)...I end up crawling back. Humbled. It is inevitable...and incredible...that the moment I finally turn back and say, "I need You, today", the sweetness of God's patience and forgiveness becomes such Truth in a world that seems to personally handwrite the word "failure" over all I seek to do in my own power.
So, Abba, I admit it before the world today. I need you. I really, really need you.
