After a few hours, the hike was getting tougher and our legs, more tired. My friend Amanda and I had just spent our entire Saturday morning making the trek from our town to what the tourists call the "Muela del Diablo"....or "Devil's tooth". Yet, as we exited what seems to be more of the "city" and ascended the nearby mountain, I remember making the comment multiple times, "Wow. When I used to think of Bolivia, this is what I would think of." With mountains of rocks and dirt surrounding us, the call of the sheep, goats, and cows led us to the top of the sharp-edged rocks jutting out of the countryside. Of course, the view from the Muela almost seemed to place the huge city of La Paz in our little hands, almost nothing more than our possession of some cinnamon toast crunch in our morning cereal bowl. Glorious.
I needed this. My soul needed the wild. My body needed a release of endorphins. Yet, above all these things, I needed a change of perspective.
After two weeks of school and a few more weeks in La Paz, it was too easy to find myself spending my free time dwelling on my circumstances. It is tough to leave the community I had in the states which knew me fairly well. As an introvert, every time I am presented with a new group to hang out with, I am faced with the hard work ahead of building those relationships and that ministry. And of course, sometimes lesson plans do not seem very "fun" in the category of serving my kids and my school.
Faithfully, God found ways of getting my attention through a view on top of a mountain and even through a night of hot chocolate and sleeping out under the stars on the patio. When things are quiet and I am still before God, I realize that only He can cast out my fear of what my future days here will bring. He not only casts it out, but He gently replaces it with His perfect love. This perfect love fills my mornings with purpose. This perfect love fills my days with stamina. This perfect love fills my evenings with grace. Because His perfect love casts out all fear. With fear out of the way, I feel as if seeing clearly just gets a bit easier.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Real? Really?
When people discuss the process of leaving the university and entering the "real world", I believe they are referring to the process of getting a steady job, a steady paycheck, and living on your own. I guess I decided this was too simple of a step, and proceeded to leave a few of those out while adding the "moving across the world" and "figuring everything out all over again, from grocery shopping to laundry" to make the change seem more exciting and worthy.
I have entered the "real world". I believe the art to smoothly entering this secret passageway which everyone talks about is yet to truly be discovered. Rather, I enjoy being thrown right in. For example, after getting a horrible stomach bug the first day of school, the "real world" told me I had to leave school and walk ten minutes across town to track down some antibiotics while feeling like I could pass out, all while wishing my mom had been present to do this for me. More so, the "real world" reminded me that showing up late to work would be unacceptable, and avoiding this would require a 5:15am wake up call...get this...every. single. day. This is when I kindly want to tell the "real world" to shut up. :)
Really, I had a great first week of school. I officially feel like being a teacher with real responsibilities. Yet, despite the drudgery of some of those responsibilities, it is nothing but rewarding to watch the children walk in your room with a smile and an attempt to describe how they are feeling in a language possibly so foreign to them.
Thus, rewards come in different forms. One form happens to be reading the tests many of the intermediate level English students must take. One boy in older elementary had just gotten word that his class had left for recess just as he had begun his writing segment for his test. With frustration as well as amusement, he rapidly finished a story about some hikers seeking out an "x" in the woods...."And when they found the "x", it said "secret passage." Then, they realized it was a hospital. Only, let me tell you, these weren't doctors. These were orgs! (I assumed he had meant to spell "ogres.") I still wonder what type of tv he has been watching. Anyway...
So, dear "real world", I welcome the invitation to be a part today. Only, please speak quietly and let me move slowly. In fact, feel free to send me any rewards you have to offer.
I have entered the "real world". I believe the art to smoothly entering this secret passageway which everyone talks about is yet to truly be discovered. Rather, I enjoy being thrown right in. For example, after getting a horrible stomach bug the first day of school, the "real world" told me I had to leave school and walk ten minutes across town to track down some antibiotics while feeling like I could pass out, all while wishing my mom had been present to do this for me. More so, the "real world" reminded me that showing up late to work would be unacceptable, and avoiding this would require a 5:15am wake up call...get this...every. single. day. This is when I kindly want to tell the "real world" to shut up. :)
Really, I had a great first week of school. I officially feel like being a teacher with real responsibilities. Yet, despite the drudgery of some of those responsibilities, it is nothing but rewarding to watch the children walk in your room with a smile and an attempt to describe how they are feeling in a language possibly so foreign to them.
Thus, rewards come in different forms. One form happens to be reading the tests many of the intermediate level English students must take. One boy in older elementary had just gotten word that his class had left for recess just as he had begun his writing segment for his test. With frustration as well as amusement, he rapidly finished a story about some hikers seeking out an "x" in the woods...."And when they found the "x", it said "secret passage." Then, they realized it was a hospital. Only, let me tell you, these weren't doctors. These were orgs! (I assumed he had meant to spell "ogres.") I still wonder what type of tv he has been watching. Anyway...
So, dear "real world", I welcome the invitation to be a part today. Only, please speak quietly and let me move slowly. In fact, feel free to send me any rewards you have to offer.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Oh, that You would reign
By adding up the events of previous blogs, I believe it will be easy to convey the overwhelming sense of reality which has been knocking on my door each morning as I wake up and face new life here.
I love it here, I really do. I love climbing up a hill, as I did on Saturday, and being able to see the southern part of La Paz as a whole. With a view such as this, I believe I can almost feel the very heartbeat of God as it falls over the city.
Yet, I must admit, as I stood in church this morning singing the words, "Take your place here, God," I was hit with the emotion of all that has happened over the past few weeks. Grieving over the loss of the physical presence of my Grandmother and not being able to stand alongside my family through it all, realizing I am a foreigner yet again and will be faced with that for months to come, knowing I have responsibilities at a job in which I have been called to disciple little children with the goal of excellence as the Lord would have me to....it is a lot to process.
So, when I cry out to God and ask Him to take His place, I am in essence asking Him to sit back on the very throne which I, in my selfishness, have stolen from Him through the sin in my life. What I was reminded of is this: God has His place here in La Paz. He was, is, and will always be. He has been working here and will continue to do so, in order that hearts may know Him and He may be glorified. What is even more humbling is the fact that He invites me into this work. I may have come here with a made up agenda to conquer the world, but He simply invites me to come along and be about my Father's work here.
In all of this, I believe His purposes are not limited. He can work through me while simultaneously working in me, becoming King and Master of the things in my life that I have not let Him reign over. I cannot think of a better thing today than to be a part of the kingdom of the King of kings and Lord of lords. "Father, have your way in me. Be King over my life. Reign in my heart, and reign in Bolivia. You deserve all glory, honor, and praise. Amen."
I love it here, I really do. I love climbing up a hill, as I did on Saturday, and being able to see the southern part of La Paz as a whole. With a view such as this, I believe I can almost feel the very heartbeat of God as it falls over the city.
Yet, I must admit, as I stood in church this morning singing the words, "Take your place here, God," I was hit with the emotion of all that has happened over the past few weeks. Grieving over the loss of the physical presence of my Grandmother and not being able to stand alongside my family through it all, realizing I am a foreigner yet again and will be faced with that for months to come, knowing I have responsibilities at a job in which I have been called to disciple little children with the goal of excellence as the Lord would have me to....it is a lot to process.
So, when I cry out to God and ask Him to take His place, I am in essence asking Him to sit back on the very throne which I, in my selfishness, have stolen from Him through the sin in my life. What I was reminded of is this: God has His place here in La Paz. He was, is, and will always be. He has been working here and will continue to do so, in order that hearts may know Him and He may be glorified. What is even more humbling is the fact that He invites me into this work. I may have come here with a made up agenda to conquer the world, but He simply invites me to come along and be about my Father's work here.
In all of this, I believe His purposes are not limited. He can work through me while simultaneously working in me, becoming King and Master of the things in my life that I have not let Him reign over. I cannot think of a better thing today than to be a part of the kingdom of the King of kings and Lord of lords. "Father, have your way in me. Be King over my life. Reign in my heart, and reign in Bolivia. You deserve all glory, honor, and praise. Amen."
Saturday, July 30, 2011
May I have this dance?
Though I just arrived in Bolivia, being away from home is becoming very real. I received news that my sweet Grandmother went home to be with her Lord and Savior yesterday afternoon. The odd mixture of emotions which followed my taking it all in included a bit of tears, then laughter, then jealousy, then peace.
As a child, my Grandma Margie wrote me a letter one day which said she would pray Jeremiah 29:11 over my life each day "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord...." As I grew in my relationship with Christ, this verse began to fill our conversations, our written correspondence, and our prayers for each other. Yet, I know this verse was just a drop of the flood of wisdom she has poured into my life through so many years.
A grandmother, mother, wife, sister, friend, musician, counselor, worshiper, peacemaker, prayer warrior...the list could go on. She lived out all these things as a precious follower of Jesus Christ. I cherish the moments I was able to sit with her and be challenged by who she had become.
Last Thanksgiving she spent time with our family in Jacksonville. As I was walking through a season of uncertainty and struggle myself, she joyously shared with me a few books by Ken Gire. As she was reading along, I remember how the metaphor of the "the dance" resonated with her. As a musician, she recognized the importance of melody, harmony, and rhythm. The picture which Gire paints is the moment our Maker invites us to dance. With fear and trepidation, we might decline. Or we might say "Yes." My grandmother said "Yes," and decided to follow Him with her whole heart.
As she danced with the Lord throughout her life journey, she enjoyed the pleasant moments when the orchestra united and played with joy. With a wonderful husband, children, and grandchildren, she witnessed sweet births, sweet discipleship, and sweet ministry across the world. In the moments of uncertainty, when the rhythm did not sound as natural... when her first son lived a life of many limitations, when she and Joe met struggles in their ministry, or when the love of her life left to be with the Lord before her, she faithfully looked to the eyes of Christ. He said, "Trust me during this new song, when the cadence brings change, and let me lead."
Yesterday afternoon, I believe the song changed once more. This time, she danced with Jesus into the throne room and the orchestra was in more unity than ever. The melody was strong with multiple harmonies to complement. Her step was lighter, her breathing full, and her trust in her Bridegroom...perfect. And so...she dances today, loving every bit of the music of eternity. She sings and dances to her heaven song. And this is only the beginning...
Grandma, I live today to share the love of Jesus Christ with one more person...that more and more will join us in heaven together when the Bride of Christ is invited home. I love you!
As a child, my Grandma Margie wrote me a letter one day which said she would pray Jeremiah 29:11 over my life each day "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord...." As I grew in my relationship with Christ, this verse began to fill our conversations, our written correspondence, and our prayers for each other. Yet, I know this verse was just a drop of the flood of wisdom she has poured into my life through so many years.
A grandmother, mother, wife, sister, friend, musician, counselor, worshiper, peacemaker, prayer warrior...the list could go on. She lived out all these things as a precious follower of Jesus Christ. I cherish the moments I was able to sit with her and be challenged by who she had become.
Last Thanksgiving she spent time with our family in Jacksonville. As I was walking through a season of uncertainty and struggle myself, she joyously shared with me a few books by Ken Gire. As she was reading along, I remember how the metaphor of the "the dance" resonated with her. As a musician, she recognized the importance of melody, harmony, and rhythm. The picture which Gire paints is the moment our Maker invites us to dance. With fear and trepidation, we might decline. Or we might say "Yes." My grandmother said "Yes," and decided to follow Him with her whole heart.
As she danced with the Lord throughout her life journey, she enjoyed the pleasant moments when the orchestra united and played with joy. With a wonderful husband, children, and grandchildren, she witnessed sweet births, sweet discipleship, and sweet ministry across the world. In the moments of uncertainty, when the rhythm did not sound as natural... when her first son lived a life of many limitations, when she and Joe met struggles in their ministry, or when the love of her life left to be with the Lord before her, she faithfully looked to the eyes of Christ. He said, "Trust me during this new song, when the cadence brings change, and let me lead."
Yesterday afternoon, I believe the song changed once more. This time, she danced with Jesus into the throne room and the orchestra was in more unity than ever. The melody was strong with multiple harmonies to complement. Her step was lighter, her breathing full, and her trust in her Bridegroom...perfect. And so...she dances today, loving every bit of the music of eternity. She sings and dances to her heaven song. And this is only the beginning...
Grandma, I live today to share the love of Jesus Christ with one more person...that more and more will join us in heaven together when the Bride of Christ is invited home. I love you!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
At peace in La Paz
Dearest family and friends,
I would like to officially announce that my life in La Paz has begun. Maybe the initiation was paying the taxi driver double the fare and graciously figuring it out after he stared at me in shock. Maybe it has been eating a chunk of llama for lunch...(one of the safer forms of acclimating to Bolivian food of which i'm still not sure tasted much different than bison). Or maybe it has been enjoying a delightful evening eating with my roommate Alison and her wonderful Bolivian friends.
The newness of everything...from figuring out how to shop for the most simple items to learning my way around they city...has been overwhelming but pleasantly surreal as I realize this is becoming my life for the time being. I am so thankful for at least a small grasp on the language as I know that could easily make this process much more difficult. A few staff from Highlands International School who were able to be back early have been tremendously helpful through tours and being willing to answer my thousands of questions about Bolivian life.
God has been so faithful. As we drove in from the northern part of the city and were able to see a night time view of La Paz, I was in awe to see the lights as a "Bowl of Jewels" which do nothing less for me than claim God's love over the city. Thank you for your prayers (which got myself and my luggage here despite the odds of luggage embargoes) and for your enthusiasm for ministry here (as it fills me with joy to write about it.) Tomorrow I will finally see the school, where I know I will be spending a large amount of my time. When things settle down a bit, I plan to provide more anecdotes of moments here. I can't wait to paint the story for you in these coming days....
Blessings.
I would like to officially announce that my life in La Paz has begun. Maybe the initiation was paying the taxi driver double the fare and graciously figuring it out after he stared at me in shock. Maybe it has been eating a chunk of llama for lunch...(one of the safer forms of acclimating to Bolivian food of which i'm still not sure tasted much different than bison). Or maybe it has been enjoying a delightful evening eating with my roommate Alison and her wonderful Bolivian friends.
The newness of everything...from figuring out how to shop for the most simple items to learning my way around they city...has been overwhelming but pleasantly surreal as I realize this is becoming my life for the time being. I am so thankful for at least a small grasp on the language as I know that could easily make this process much more difficult. A few staff from Highlands International School who were able to be back early have been tremendously helpful through tours and being willing to answer my thousands of questions about Bolivian life.
God has been so faithful. As we drove in from the northern part of the city and were able to see a night time view of La Paz, I was in awe to see the lights as a "Bowl of Jewels" which do nothing less for me than claim God's love over the city. Thank you for your prayers (which got myself and my luggage here despite the odds of luggage embargoes) and for your enthusiasm for ministry here (as it fills me with joy to write about it.) Tomorrow I will finally see the school, where I know I will be spending a large amount of my time. When things settle down a bit, I plan to provide more anecdotes of moments here. I can't wait to paint the story for you in these coming days....
Blessings.
Monday, July 18, 2011
First of all, I would like to give a shout out to my sister Sarah and brother-in-law Paul who have raised two wonderful little boys so well. After a week of babysitting, we have been tickled by the fact that it requires three people to hold down wiggly Sterling in order to dress him for the day while the fourth family member sprints around the house to chase down Wyatt. The challenge of juggling diaper changing, nap times, and medicines has been one worth rising to. Of course, our frequent hunt for puppies in the neighborhood has dried up plenty of tears during tired moments. But overall, I'm thankful for these two nephews, and equally thankful for the parents I can send them home to. :)
Well, the countdown is far more a reality today as there are only six days left on the calendar between my life in High Point and my new adventure in La Paz. I have been so blessed by moments of saying goodbye to friends as well as hearing the encouraging prayers from my church as they send me out. I'm thankful for the past six months of life here...months full of growth, clarity, and building stronger relationships.
I realize I must leave a lot of this behind for a while. I know there will be new blessings ahead, (and ones to look forward to when I am able to visit the states.) Yet, in stepping back to look at the big picture, as I transition to what is "new", I am reminded that there is One who does go with me. He goes before me and behind me...as well as beside me. I will share with you the prayer I read this morning....
"Therefore, I pray, whatever of Thyself Thou has been pleased to disclose, help me to search out as treasure more precious than rubies or the merchandise of fine gold; for with Thee shall I live when the stars of the twilight are no more and the heavens have vanished away and only Thou remains. Amen."
It's hard to leave the presence of people who know what life is like here...those who I have been on college campus with, those who I have spent time in prayer meetings with, those who have walked with me through so many seasons of growth and change. Likewise, I know there will be new seasons in a new place which will be hard to relay back home. Yet, this is where my hope lies. The God of the universe, who understands me, knows me, and calls me by name, goes with me. So, it is Him who I must learn to know. He and I are in this together.
"Papa, give me a heart to love you and to discover you. Teach me the rhythm of this song. But may I learn more of its Composer."
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Party at the PFO
Two days ago I returned home from two mentally strenuous weeks in Southaven, MS where I sat through long days of Pre-Field Orientation for the mission field. At first, I thought I knew what I was getting into. How tough could listening to seminars concerning life as a missionary and a teacher be?
Of course, when I realized each hour of listening would require intense processing as well as beg me to open up my heart to see the prejudices, fears, and grief I have towards leaving that which I "know", the two weeks proved harder than I thought. Yet, without a doubt, I was extremely blessed to spend time with over a hundred missionaries who are all in transition alongside me, also meeting four of the girls specifically headed with me to the city of La Paz. We walked through the challenges of culture stress, the art of working with the "Third Culture Kid" (those children living in countries other than their parents' passport country), and analyzed our personalities in order to recognize possible blessings, challenges, and conflict with future colleagues.
Thankfully, the intensity was dashed with a bit of seasoning through a wonderful Fourth of July firework display (Thanks, Southaven, for being one of the most patriotic towns I know!), a few hot dogs at a Memphis Redbirds game, a number of quick incognito Sonic slushy runs between sessions, and stress relieving racquetball tourneys at the local gym.
I don't know if I'm ready for what these next few days will bring...as we live in a world where we try to avoid life changes and goodbyes due to the convenience of Facebook and Skype. I'm fighting hard against this. Saying goodbye is good for us. Affirming those who have meant so much to us is an opportunity. And if anything...the more phone calls, emails, and lunches I can be a part of...the more I can stall against packing. And for this, I am grateful.
Of course, when I realized each hour of listening would require intense processing as well as beg me to open up my heart to see the prejudices, fears, and grief I have towards leaving that which I "know", the two weeks proved harder than I thought. Yet, without a doubt, I was extremely blessed to spend time with over a hundred missionaries who are all in transition alongside me, also meeting four of the girls specifically headed with me to the city of La Paz. We walked through the challenges of culture stress, the art of working with the "Third Culture Kid" (those children living in countries other than their parents' passport country), and analyzed our personalities in order to recognize possible blessings, challenges, and conflict with future colleagues.
Thankfully, the intensity was dashed with a bit of seasoning through a wonderful Fourth of July firework display (Thanks, Southaven, for being one of the most patriotic towns I know!), a few hot dogs at a Memphis Redbirds game, a number of quick incognito Sonic slushy runs between sessions, and stress relieving racquetball tourneys at the local gym.
I don't know if I'm ready for what these next few days will bring...as we live in a world where we try to avoid life changes and goodbyes due to the convenience of Facebook and Skype. I'm fighting hard against this. Saying goodbye is good for us. Affirming those who have meant so much to us is an opportunity. And if anything...the more phone calls, emails, and lunches I can be a part of...the more I can stall against packing. And for this, I am grateful.
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