At peace in La Paz

Dearest family and friends,

I would like to officially announce that my life in La Paz has begun. Maybe the initiation was paying the taxi driver double the fare and graciously figuring it out after he stared at me in shock. Maybe it has been eating a chunk of llama for lunch...(one of the safer forms of acclimating to Bolivian food of which i'm still not sure tasted much different than bison). Or maybe it has been enjoying a delightful evening eating with my roommate Alison and her wonderful Bolivian friends.

The newness of everything...from figuring out how to shop for the most simple items to learning my way around they city...has been overwhelming but pleasantly surreal as I realize this is becoming my life for the time being. I am so thankful for at least a small grasp on the language as I know that could easily make this process much more difficult. A few staff from Highlands International School who were able to be back early have been tremendously helpful through tours and being willing to answer my thousands of questions about Bolivian life.

God has been so faithful. As we drove in from the northern part of the city and were able to see a night time view of La Paz, I was in awe to see the lights as a "Bowl of Jewels" which do nothing less for me than claim God's love over the city. Thank you for your prayers (which got myself and my luggage here despite the odds of luggage embargoes) and for your enthusiasm for ministry here (as it fills me with joy to write about it.) Tomorrow I will finally see the school, where I know I will be spending a large amount of my time. When things settle down a bit, I plan to provide more anecdotes of moments here. I can't wait to paint the story for you in these coming days....

Blessings.

     First of all, I would like to give a shout out to my sister Sarah and brother-in-law Paul who have raised two wonderful little boys so well. After a week of babysitting, we have been tickled by the fact that it requires three people to hold down wiggly Sterling in order to dress him for the day while the fourth family member sprints around the house to chase down Wyatt. The challenge of juggling diaper changing, nap times, and medicines has been one worth rising to. Of course, our frequent hunt for puppies in the neighborhood has dried up plenty of tears during tired moments. But overall, I'm thankful for these two nephews, and equally thankful for the parents I can send them home to. :)

     Well, the countdown is far more a reality today as there are only six days left on the calendar between my life in High Point and my new adventure in La Paz. I have been so blessed by moments of saying goodbye to friends as well as hearing the encouraging prayers from my church as they send me out. I'm thankful for the past six months of life here...months full of growth, clarity, and building stronger relationships.

     I realize I must leave a lot of this behind for a while. I know there will be new blessings ahead, (and ones to look forward to when I am able to visit the states.) Yet, in stepping back to look at the big picture, as I transition to what is "new", I am reminded that there is One who does go with me. He goes before me and behind me...as well as beside me. I will share with you the prayer I read this morning....

     "Therefore, I pray, whatever of Thyself Thou has been pleased to disclose, help me to search out as treasure more precious than rubies or the merchandise of fine gold; for with Thee shall I live when the stars of the twilight are no more and the heavens have vanished away and only Thou remains. Amen."

   It's hard to leave the presence of people who know what life is like here...those who I have been on college campus with, those who I have spent time in prayer meetings with, those who have walked with me through so many seasons of growth and change. Likewise, I know there will be new seasons in a new place which will be hard to relay back home. Yet, this is where my hope lies. The God of the universe, who understands me, knows me, and calls me by name, goes with me. So, it is Him who I must learn to know. He and I are in this together.

    "Papa, give me a heart to love you and to discover you. Teach me the rhythm of this song. But may I learn more of its Composer."

Party at the PFO

Two days ago I returned home from two mentally strenuous weeks in Southaven, MS where I sat through long days of Pre-Field Orientation for the mission field. At first, I thought I knew what I was getting into. How tough could listening to seminars concerning life as a missionary and a teacher be?
Of course, when I realized each hour of listening would require intense processing as well as beg me to open up my heart to see the prejudices, fears, and grief I have towards leaving that which I "know", the two weeks proved harder than I thought. Yet, without a doubt, I was extremely blessed to spend time with over a hundred missionaries who are all in transition alongside me, also meeting four of the girls specifically headed with me to the city of La Paz. We walked through the challenges of culture stress, the art of working with the "Third Culture Kid" (those children living in countries other than their parents' passport country), and analyzed our personalities in order to recognize possible blessings, challenges, and conflict with future colleagues.
Thankfully, the intensity was dashed with a bit of seasoning through a wonderful Fourth of July firework display (Thanks, Southaven, for being one of the most patriotic towns I know!), a few hot dogs at a Memphis Redbirds game, a number of quick incognito Sonic slushy runs between sessions, and stress relieving racquetball tourneys at the local gym.
I don't know if I'm ready for what these next few days will bring...as we live in a world where we try to avoid life changes and goodbyes due to the convenience of Facebook and Skype. I'm fighting hard against this. Saying goodbye is good for us. Affirming those who have meant so much to us is an opportunity. And if anything...the more phone calls, emails, and lunches I can be a part of...the more I can stall against packing. And for this, I am grateful.

Christmas comes early

My head is swarming with details of travelling, finances, and everything else I could easily find in the box labeled, "Details to note before moving from one country to another." There has been an intense battle between the over-analytical mind of my flesh versus the Spirit, and it is my desire to relinquish my days to the peace which only comes from the control of the Holy Spirit over it all.

I love my Papa as He so faithfully confirms on a regular basis that where I am going is where He has told me to go. This confirmation comes in different forms, and the story is as follows:

My friend and I were hiking to the top of Calloway Peak on Grandfather Mountain in Boone this past weekend. Though I enjoyed the climb, I much moreso enjoyed the splendor revealed at the top as I witnessed the Blue Ridge Parkway so strategically nestled into the fierce green view painted around us. Soon enough, we found ourselves engaged in a quick get-to-know you conversation with one of the three people on top. This particular man had graduated from App State a few years ago and was back to visit. I noted his surprise as I told him I was soon headed to Bolivia. He responded: "Really? I just got back from living in La Paz and teaching English there for five years." Maybe this was a random encounter with a former Bolivian on top of a mountain, but I could feel God's pleasure as he gave me yet another blessing....another confirmation which will help sustain my faith through these coming days.

This is yet another image of who God is, our Abba who is thrilled in giving good gifts to His children. I am reminded of this past Christmas when I gave homemade gifts to my family. After weeks of preparation, it was all I could do to contain my excitement as I knew what was under the tree, and I just couldn't wait for their responses. The time and thought I had put into giving the gifts had amplified the joy it was to give them. I believe this is how it is with God...as He waits with His prepared gifts...waiting for the perfect time to give me His gift....and of course, finding such pleasure when my face lights up.

I look back over this year...and I remember times when I was disappointed or had unmet expectations and criticized God for them. But it is during these days, when God makes himself so clear, that I am learning this: Sometimes God doesn't give us that which we want because He understands the very essence of what we need...and He waits with pleasure and joy for the perfect time to give it.  

Sojourneying

When I start to think about packing my whole life in two or three suitcases, shopping becomes a whole different scenario. First of all, I might walk into a cute boutique and see a very cute dress yet very clearly labeled with an eighty dollar price tag, and I begin to reconsider how stuffing it in the bottom of my suitcase could justify the impulsive purchase. Better yet, the thought of realizing that the main "nice" clothes I will need are really only for dressing as a "teacher" destroys any other justifications I may come up with.

Then I head to the thrift store, motivated by the fact that here, on half-off mondays, price is no longer a key worry. Yet, another factor steps in to cause even more problems: space. (You have to realize....during college there are not many greater thrills than finding the most random, neon-colored article of clothing which is only vital to completing my wardrobe...or even a fun, flowy skirt which drags on the floor, resembles a floridian curtain, and most definitely was made and sold in the 80's. Since I wasn't born in the 80's, there is no shame in purchasing the $1.61 priced skirt.) Unfortunately, every item must be considered and reconsidered as I determine whether or not it makes the "worth-it for only two suitcases" cut.

Though some beg to differ, the thought of cramming all I own into such small and limited space livens my spirit. Over the past few years, my life has become a continuous cycle of arrival and departure times, as I have not really been in the same place for more than a few months at a time. But I know God has wired me for this...to enjoy the relationships built and the growth made during each season, but to also appreciate the new and uncertainty and ministry which every new city, country, and continent brings. I love adventure, seeing the world, and truly knowing the new places through which I pass.

So, I am a sojourner...always passing through, but never yet there. But I'm learning why this is so true for me. It is during these months of waiting for the adventure ahead that God speaks and tells me, "Beloved, this world is not your home." The dreams, the desires, and the longings I have today are so limited as they will only be extremely surpassed when I meet my King. I'm always ready to go on another great adventure, but I get even more excited to think of what it will be like to one day arrive...at home... and then, the truest of adventures will only have just begun.  

So as a good friend once said, "risk everything for the true adventure."

Praise Befitting

I have recently started reading the book Praise Habit: Finding God in Sunsets and Sushi by David Crowder. Of course, as you just spent a split second personally interpreting what you think the book is about, I too did the same. Praise? As a habit? Wouldn't I get bored of it like I would everything else. For example, I run around the same mile loop in my neighborhood at least every other day. I hate it. Yet I still do it. Also, we find ourselves in habits such as always eating three cookies instead of one...a habit which we remind ourselves at midnight is never good for us. We may have the habit of attending church or listening to the same music artist. But...praise? To the living God? Does it go in this category?

When considering a nun, her black and white outfit is called a "habit". Ahh, did your perspective change a bit? So now, a habit is clothing. It is something the nun wears daily. It is fashion yet antifashion. Crowder says, "The habit is what she wears. It is what covers her. It is what identifies her. Our condition is the same. For the follower of Jesus, our habit is the Christ. He is what covers us. He is what identifies us. We wear Him into every moment, and when we live with this awareness, we PRAISE CHRIST."

To clarify a statement made in a previous blog, my dad has been going through pain over the past ten years, but it has limited his ability to function on a daily basis specifically over the past six months. My family is weary and sometimes we feel like we don't really know what to pray any more, as doctors cannot seem to diagnose anything...other than knowing it has something to do with the nervous system.

Yet, I do know this. My God is faithful. It is befitting to praise Him. Something truly changes when we begin to give praise to our Maker, no matter what our circumstances are. Satan flees, He just can't stand it. He relishes in the idea of shutting us up. Yet, for those moments, I lose sight of my doubts and frustrations. I realize that my God has not forgotten about my family. And His promises to do what glorifies Him are what we can stand firm upon.

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11

I need you.

Over the past few weeks, my life has been characterized by days of trying to teach my 21 month year old nephew how to say Bolivia, or at least Becca. (We met failure on both of these.) Also, I officially ended my undergrad career as a Spanish education student from Appalachian. I've spent some time with friends at the beach learning how to fight relentless waves in a kayak as well as clean flounder...an experience which faithfully reminded me of my many months of grilling during last summer and somewhat gave me a yearning to be back in Yellowstone...traversing the beauty of the West.

And of course, I cannot help but to mention the many days of paperwork which I continue to tell myself must be complete in order to have a job, live in a new country, and at least make me feel "productive" over the summer. (I am still not convinced that feeling productive is something we should desire for most of our summer experience...at least this was not true during grade school.)

Sadly, I've had too many days of pushing God to the side, sitting Him in a corner, and looking Him in the eyes sternly reminding Him that these are just tedious things which can be accomplished by efficiency and a simple application of my fifteen plus years of acquired knowledge of life skills. Then, when I'm weary and realizing how crazy a step such as moving wayy too south for the average North American (and at a much too high level of altitude)...I end up crawling back. Humbled. It is inevitable...and incredible...that the moment I finally turn back and say, "I need You, today", the sweetness of God's patience and forgiveness becomes such Truth in a world that seems to personally handwrite the word "failure" over all I seek to do in my own power.

So, Abba, I admit it before the world today. I need you. I really, really need you.